Ink & Interruptions

            Ava left the room still talking about her final three college choices. After the door shut, I sat there for another moment, staring at the clock, trying to shake the ghost of a boy who wasn’t a boy anymore. It was honestly embarrassing the hold Henry still had on me. I was a grown woman. I’d gone to college, gotten a job, survived a broken engagement, rented a house; I’d done all these things, so why did seeing him make me feel like that lost high school girl who spent every day praying that her mom would see her?

            The thought of my mom caused me to look down at the phone that was resting on top of my desk calendar. I picked it up and tapped the screen awake. Mom was still listed in my favorites, so in a matter of seconds, I was staring at our text thread. Last message: “I love you” sent six months ago, two nights before they’d helped me move. I remember tapping out a quick “goodnight” back, lying on a pallet on the floor, surrounded by empty walls, the closet door swung wide revealing a single bare hanger that had somehow avoided the culling.

            I pulled my shoulders back, stretching my spine out as though I was still somehow trapped on that bedroom floor waiting for my life to change. The blinking cursor pulsed, the phone anxiously waiting for my thoughts. Six months. My fingers hovered, frozen—why hadn’t she reached out? After what felt like an eternity, I managed to type out “Hey.” It sat there for only a second before I erased it, clicked the lock button, and pushed the phone to the edge of my desk. The fight was not my fault. Sure, I had said some harsh things, but she had caused the fight. Her insistence—and Aunt Julia’s—that my life belonged to Kyle’s had caused the fight, not me. I would not be the first to message. The first to toss the lifeline. I was fine. I was thriving. At that thought, my eyes darted toward the closed door. Dr. Montgomery, my shrinking voice, Henry, my wobbly legs. Okay, maybe not thriving, but I was fine.

            I let out a sigh and pushed myself up from my chair. Another glance at the clock on the wall; I had thirty minutes before my next college prep meeting. I walked over to the stack of folders resting on the corner of my desk. My hands trembled slightly as I moved Sam’s file to the bottom of the stack. My follow-up meeting with him was scheduled for next week.

            “Way to have his back, Evie,” I whispered as I shuffled through the next few folders looking for the right name. I pulled the folder labeled E. Rameriz from the stack and flipped it open. Ethan and I had narrowed his potential schools to five, making sure they had strong Computer Science programs but were still close enough that commuting was possible in case the scholarships didn’t come through. I reviewed the school list again and moved back to my computer. I needed to pull up and print out all of the program requirements, so we could review his options and begin prepping applications.

            Finding the information took a little time, but ten minutes later, I had each of the school’s general admission rules as well as specific program requirements pulled up. I sent each document to the printer before reaching over to the top left drawer of my desk where I kept my employee ID. The drawer stuck a little, but after several tugs, it gave way. Inside was an assortment of items, ranging from pens to half crumbled pieces of paper—sprawling thoughts that had managed to fight their way out of my head only to be banished to this realm of dying things. It took me a few seconds to find my ID. After detaching it from the mess of discarded thoughts, I promptly shut the drawer, trapping it all once more.

            Twenty more minutes. I crossed the office space to the door but found my hand frozen just above the doorknob. What if he’s out there?

            “Get a hold of yourself,” I chided, my voice a low whisper, “what do you honestly think is going to happen? He’s not going to be lurking in the shadows.” I shook my head exasperated with my own mind. “And he for sure is not out there roaming the halls looking for you.”

            I took hold of the doorknob and swung the door open. The sight of the completely empty hall caused my pulse to plummet right alongside my heart. My level of desperation was reaching new lows. I made my way down the hallway toward the main office, leaving the door open behind me. I sent up a quick prayer, pleading that God remove Jenna from the face of the planet for the next five minutes. I just needed to slip into the main office, print off my documents, and leave. I did not need to spend more of my day listening to her high-pitched, self-important voice squeak about Dr. Montgomery or hear one more gushing, monologue about Henry. I just needed to do my job and go home.

            I pushed open the door to the main office and craned my neck around the room. No Jenna. There must be a god after all. I moved across the small space and swiped my ID through the card reader, tapping my fingers in a familiar rhythm as I waited for the screen to load.

            “I wouldn’t have thought you’d still know that song.”

            My fingers froze mid-tap—his voice sliding down my skin and pooling around my feet like quicksand. I hadn’t heard the door. I spun around. Henry was standing just inside the entryway, the door clicking softly behind him.

            “Henry.” My voice cracked in the middle of his name.

            “Evie.” I felt each syllable of my name in the pit of my stomach—stirring the butterflies that had been waiting since this morning.

The printer started to whir as it spit out each page, but the sound barely registered. It was the quicksand—his voice sucking me under, preparing to pull me through the earth—that held my attention.

            “You know, I remember you being far more articulate in high school.” His words were punctuated with soft chuckles. He remembered me. Go to hell, Jenna.

            “And I remember you having better jokes.” And that was it. The tension broke, and it was Henry and me again. I felt my knees turn to Jello as a smile spread across his face—shattering me in the process.

            “Now, that’s not fair.” He said as he crossed the room. Each step caused my heart rate to rise an octave in my ears. “That was a pretty solid joke.”

            “Oh, no. Now I’m really concerned.” I couldn’t stop my smile from bursting open, lips parting to show every tooth in my mouth.

            “I was surprised to see you this morning.” His voice was lower now, causing goosebumps to race down my skin.

            “Um, yes, well, I work here.” Wow, Evie, great line. I mentally scolded myself as Henry closed the final few feet between us.

            “Yes, I can see that.”

            “What are you doing here?” My voice came out brittle like it was two words from snapping. “I just mean that, um, well I was surprised to see you too,” my words poured out of my mouth as I desperately tried to correct my mistake.

            “Well, I work here too,” he said, as he leaned around me, reaching for the printer tray. My words trailed off as his body pressed further into my space. His cologne choice was still the same, and I felt my lungs instinctively expand. Don’t be weird. Don’t be weird. Those three words flooded my mind as I watched Henry pull back from the printer, my papers in his hands.

            “These are good schools.” He said, glancing through the papers.

            “Yeah, I told Ethan that these were the best choices for his goals. He’s very excited about the top two.” I clasped my hands together, fiddling with the band of my watch. “The admission process for those is a little more rigorous,” I felt my eyes begin to jump between Henry, the clock on the wall, Jenna’s empty desk, and back to Henry, my nerves completely shutting down my ability to control my movements, “but he’s a smart kid, really dedicated, so I think he’ll get acceptance letters to all five.” I could feel the words tumbling out, the momentum of them dragging me along incapable of stopping. “I haven’t told him that though because I don’t want to get his hopes up, but honestly, I’ll be shocked if he doesn’t get accepted to all five. We’re meeting today to go over each step and make sure he can start preparing early. I want him to have plenty of time to submit everything—” My eyes found Henry again, and my voice faltered as his green eyes captured mine. “um, without being rushed.”

            Nodding, he looked back down at the papers in his hands. My shoulders sagged at the loss of his gaze, as if it had been the thing holding me upright. He shuffled the papers back together and looked up. “Sounds like he’s lucky to have you for his counselor,” he extended the stack towards me.

            “Thank you,” my voice felt like steam, blurring my vision as I tried to focus on reaching out and taking the extended papers. I hesitated for another second before fully extending my arm, bringing my hand to rest beneath the stack. Henry adjusted his hold, sliding them further into my grasp. He released the papers, but as he pulled back, I felt his fingers graze mine, brushing against the skin at the base of my ring finger. The touch was there and gone. Was he checking for a ring? Surely not. Get a grip, Evie.

            “It’s been nice seeing you, again,” I said as I fumbled with the papers, trying to gather them and my thoughts.

            “Yeah, it has been. Turns out some things don’t change.”

            “And some do.” My voice fell in the space between us. I pulled the papers to my chest displaying my bare hands; his gaze dropped for a second before returning to mine.

            Looks like they do.” Breaking eye contact, he ran a hand over the back of his neck.

            My eyes shifted back to the clock on the wall as I felt heat begin to creep onto my cheeks. “Crap. I’m late.” My brain screamed at me to stay, to drag the moment out, but the papers in my hands suddenly felt heavy. “Um, if you need help getting settled in here,” I said as I slipped past him, every nerve aware of how close our bodies were, “just let me know, okay?” I finished as I reached the door, and glancing over my shoulder, I smiled at him. “Henry.”

            “Evie.”

            The weight of my name on his lips clung to me, and it felt like I was sailing against the wind as I pulled the door open and stepped into the hallway. The click of the door behind me broke the spell, and before I registered my movements, I was practically running down the hall.

            I stopped just short of my office, took a breath, trying to compose myself. Then, rounding the corner of the doorframe, I stepped inside. Ethan was already there, hunched over a video playing on his phone.

            “Hey, Ethan. I am so sorry.” I held up the papers as a peace offering. “I was trying to print these and got caught up talking to—” my voice caught in my throat. Henry? A friend? I was still reeling from the idea of labeling what had just happened when Ethan cut through my scrambled thoughts.

            “It’s okay, Ms. M. Next hour is my study hour, so I’ve got extra time. No sweat.” He reached out and took the stack of papers from me. “Sweet. You even put them in order.” He slipped his phone into his pocket as he continued to scan the information in front of him.

            I circled around my desk and settled into my chair. “We spoke last time about these five schools.” I picked up a pen, trying to keep my mind focused on the present, even though I was fairly sure I had left every single one of my brain cells back in the office with Henry. Let me know if you need help settling in. How low could I fall today?

            “Ms. M?” I looked up to see Ethan watching me, waiting for me.

            “Oh, yes. I put them in the order that we decided best fit your interests during our last meeting. I also printed out all the requirements for both general admission to the school and the specific program you were interested in.” I rolled the pen between my fingers and focused on Ethan’s face, grounding myself in the moment. “I think it would be a good idea for you to review them one more time to make sure this order is still good.”

            He nodded once, then leaned forward and spread out the papers on my desk. As he read and re-read each document, I turned back to my computer, jiggling the mouse to bring the screen back to life. Picking a college was a big decision, and I had learned that the best thing I could do was to stay quiet while they worked through that process. I pulled up my digital files and spent the next five minutes updating student profiles with potential schools, programs, and scholarship information. By the time Ethan spoke again, I had added website links to five profiles and flagged four new scholarships to post on the senior landing page.

            “Ms. M?”

            I clicked out of my files and turned to face him. “What’s up?”

            “I think I want to apply to Westlake before Northern State.” As he spoke, his eyes remained locked on the Northern State papers, his fingers glued to the location listed at the top of the page.

            “Ethan?”

            “Oh, sorry,” he dropped his hands to his lap and shifted further back into the chair. “Yep. I think Westlake is the place.” His voice was flat.

            “Ethan—”

            “Ms. M… I just can’t go that far. I want to. I do. But with Mom and the new baby—” His voice trailed off, taking his thoughts with it.

            “Ethan,” I said softly, pulling his attention back to me, “I’ve spoken with your mom. You know that right?” His head bobbed up and down, but I watched as he pressed his lips together, trying to hold in the thoughts that were racing behind his eyes. “Then you know that she is so supportive of your choices here.”

            “Yeah, but—” he started, his voice getting lost as he began to tug at a string sticking up from the pocket of his jeans. I let the silence fill the room, giving him time to work through his thoughts. “What if she needs me?”

            “If she does, you will be close enough at any one of these colleges to get back to her.” My throat tightened as I watched the war waging inside him play out on his face. I saw the moment he made his choice. His shoulders shifted back, tightening with resolve.

            “I want to start with the closest.” He sniffed and raised his head to meet my gaze. “It’s a good program too and cheaper. So, I will stand a better chance at receiving enough scholarships to pay for the whole thing which would be super cool.” He forced his mouth into a smile, and my heart broke. I knew what he needed from me, though, so after a moment, I leaned forward and picked up the papers for Westlake.

            “Then that’s what we’ll do,” I said as I spun back toward my computer. I opened his student profile and began to type out the steps needed to complete his admissions packet, walking him through each one as I entered them into the screen. After I entered the final step, I closed the window and looked back at him. “Do you have any questions?” His eyes darted back to the Northern State papers still resting on the desk. He lingered for a second longer before bending down to retrieve his bag.

            “Nope. All good here.”

            “You know, Ethan,” my voice caused him to pause, “you can apply to both.”

            “Yeah, but—” He shook his head. “I just don’t know what I would do if I got accepted.”

            “Well, how about I type up what the Northern State packet entails just like I did for Westlake,” I said, gesturing toward my screen. I could see the reluctance start to etch its way onto his face, hardening his eyes and causing his jaw to tense. “Ethan, I’d really like it if you would apply. We both know—” He began to shake his head. “Ethan?” He looked up. “You can always say no.”

            “I can?”

            “Yes. Always.” I felt my heart ache at the word. No. “Ethan, you can say no to me and this idea, and you can also say no to whatever school. You don’t have to choose any path that you don’t want.” I saw the tension leave his body, his shoulders sagging as they gave way to the release of pressure. “And you know what else, Ethan?”

            “What?” His eyes fell from mine.

            “Your mom would say the same thing.”

            “You think so?”

            “Oh, I would put all the money in the world on it.” He looked up, and I smiled. “Just think on it okay?” I grabbed the Northern State papers, placed them behind the information for Westlake, and handed both back across the desk to him.

            “Okay, yeah.” He took the papers from me. “Thanks, Ms. M.”

            I nodded and stood up from my chair. “Now, you better go. You still have plenty of time to get to study hall and start on that essay Mr. Scott expects Monday.”

            “How do you know about that?”

            “You guys do know the teachers talk to me, right?” I asked chuckling as I ushered him toward the door.

            I watched as he gave a half-shrugged response and took off up the hallway toward the east wing of the building. As he rounded the corner and disappeared, his mom’s voice bounced around in my head. She had called last week and begged me to convince him to apply to Northern State. I had cried after we hung up. All she wanted was to give the world to her son, and all he wanted to do was protect his.

            My eyes started to sting again. I backed into my office and shut the door behind me. As I made my way back to my desk, I froze in front of my framed college degrees, caught by a photo of mom and me. I was dressed in a red robe with golden honor cords dangling around my neck. I had flowers gripped in one hand, smiling at the camera. Beside me was mom. She was so close that her cheek was practically touching mine—our smiles merging together, forming one large Cheshire cat grin. There were blurred families and groups in the background, chaos seeping in from the corners trying to pull attention away from us, but no matter how hard I tried, all I saw was my mom, her smile, and the way her arm crinkled my robes as she pulled me tight against her side.

            I breathed in deeply and grabbed my phone from the edge of my desk. It was time.