Ink & Interruptions

            It had been five years since I’d seen Henry last. I’d walked across the stage at graduation to the deafening sound of my father’s air horn and my mother’s shrill voice screaming “That’s my daughter,” as I clutched my high school diploma to my chest and smiled. The sound of my mother’s pride tore through my mind ripping open the wounds from a few months ago, causing them to bleed and fester. I remember looking up from the stage and seeing her, right there like she always was, joy pouring out of her body as she watched me descend the stairs and head back to my seat.

            I kept my diploma close to my chest as I headed toward the section reserved for last names that started with M. My gown made every step feel awkward as I balanced on my toes trying to keep my heels from biting into my ankles, all while keeping my steps short enough to avoid tugging the hem too tight and risking a quick and horrifying fall to the floor. I finally made it to my row and turned sideways to shuffle down the already filled seats, making sure to keep my back from pressing awkwardly into their fronts. I let out a sigh when I came to the first empty seat. I pressed the backs of my legs into the cold, metal chair as I worked to make my body smaller, shying away from the line of students still moving through the row behind me. I was engrossed in my attempt to be as small as possible when Annie Meade nudged my arm; the sudden contact making me jump.

            “We did it,” she whispered, and the sparkles in her eyes made their way down her face, causing it to explode with joy as she bounced a little on her toes. I managed to smile back, but my voice was lost when I saw Henry reach our row. Henry Miller. His seat was five down from mine. Five chairs and a lifetime away. In a very Henry fashion, he chose to work his way down the aisle facing each of his peers, who he knew by name. He high fived each one, a warm smile that spoke of the shared camaraderie we felt in this moment lighting across his face. He was two chairs away when I realized he would have to cross in front of me to reach his seat. I felt my body automatically decompress at the thought, filling up more space, reaching out, hoping for contact. God, I’m pathetic. The thought lodged itself between my heart and stomach. One chair.

            “Annie, keep that spark.” Henry’s voice was like fine-grit sandpaper, rough enough to smooth any edges but not so abrasive that it chipped away pieces of you. I saw Annie’s smile grow wider and her mouth moved as she responded. I couldn’t make out the words; the world had gone silent as I watched him move the final two paces towards me.

            “Evie.” He said staring down at me.

            “Henry.” My voice was soft, floating in the inches between his body and mine. He paused, his eyes searching for more, but my voice shriveled under his stare, and then he was gone.

            That was the last time I’d seen him. The last thing I’d said. And now, he was here. In the building where he’d first saved me. His hair was shorter, the curling strands from high school now closely cropped around his ears. My eyes roamed from feature to feature until I was finally caught by his gaze, the same piercing green eyes pinning me in place.

            “Henry, you should know Ms. Mercer.” Dr. Montgomery said, his voice shattering the silence and bringing me back to the present. “If I remember correctly, you two graduated together.” I dropped my gaze from Henry’s and looked towards Dr. Montgomery.

            “Your memory is good.” I said as I began to nudge myself away from the pair.

            “Well, they don’t call me a doctor for nothing.” He said as his chest expanded from his own self-importance. My teeth crashed together as I bit back the retort that began to crawl up my throat.

            “Oh, come on, Richard. That can’t be all they call you.” Henry said as he closed the distance between us and clapped a hand on Dr. Montgomery’s shoulder. I felt myself blink several times, my face giving away my surprise at not only the familiarity between the two but at the ease with which Henry moved.

            “Henry, what have I told you about that.” Dr. Montgomery chided, letting out a soft chuckle before turning his attention back to me.

            “Ms. Mercer, I expect an update on the student after your follow-up with him. That’s all.” He turned away from me as he moved back into his office, waving for Henry to follow him. “Come tell me what I need to do to get you to sign this contract today.” Henry found my eyes one last time before his back was facing me. It took several steps before I was able to pull my gaze from his now seated frame.

            Pushing through the heavy doors, I all but stumbled to my office door. I tugged my key from my pocket and managed to still my hands long enough to twist the key and open the door. I slipped through and closed the door behind me. It wasn’t until the bell signaling first hour rang through the hallways that I felt my lungs expand.

            Sixty minutes. I had sixty minutes to pull myself together. Henry’s here. My brain whispered as though the storm of emotions that were currently ricocheting around the walls of my heart weren’t enough. He was obviously here for some type of job. Not you. Dr. Montgomery had said contract. My brain felt scrambled as I tried to remember what positions Oak Harbor had posted recently.

            “It doesn’t matter.” I whispered to myself as I pressed the button on my monitor before collapsing into my office chair.

            The screen flashed blue and then the cursor was blinking steadily in the password box. It took me three tries to get my fingers to type in my password correctly. You might actually be pathetic. I all but screamed at myself as I pulled up the school’s homepage and clicked on the employment opportunities tab. I scrolled through the listings. My eyes scanning each entry looking for some connection to the man I had just seen. It wasn’t until I was on the third page that I realized I knew absolutely nothing about this Henry Miller. Seeing him had set me back five years, and I was scrambling to come back to the present.

            I forced myself to close the browser and push away from my desk. I closed my eyes as my head fell back against my chair. How had one interaction, if it could even be called that, derailed me so completely? One moment, one look, and I was back in high school, clinging to every moment Henry carved out for me to be…me. Five years later, and where was I? Who was I? I imagined my empty house. My room full of half-read books and scattered clothes that never made it to the laundry room. My kitchen with a fridge that held more leftover containers than anything else. The lamp’s dim, yellow light causing shadows to creep up the wall and across the cracks in the floor. Yep. Pathetic. I ran my hands over my already smooth hair, forcing myself to look back at my desk.

            A knock at the door made my spine stiffen. Before my body and mind could recover enough to move, the door swung wide, Jenna sweeping into the room, her red hair whipping out over her shoulders.

            “Did you see him?” Her voice was pitched low as if I was a co-conspirator in some master plan. I felt my breath catch in my throat. Of course she’d noticed him.

            I worked to clear my throat as I dragged my feet across the floor, pulling my chair to my desk and creating a barrier between her and me. “Excuse me?”

            “Girl don’t play dumb.” She sighed as she flopped into my visitor’s chair like we were old friends and not semi-cordial coworkers. “I sent him to Dr. Montgomery’s office before your meeting was over which means you HAD to see him.”

            “Jenna—”

            “I mean come on.” Her voice had returned to a normal volume as words continued to spill from her bubblegum, pink lips. “How does Dr. Montgomery expect us to be able to work with guys like him hanging around?” She leaned over and rested her elbows on my desk, her folded hands creating a perch for her head.

            “I—”

           “I mean, of course I know why he’s here. I helped him with his initial intake paperwork last week.” Her voice dropped low again as she glanced around the room as though she expected Dr. Montgomery to be standing behind her. “I couldn’t help myself,” she giggled, dropping the ruse of secret keeping, “I looked at his interview availability.” She closed her eyes and practically swooned, falling back into the seat. The sight made me grind my teeth together so hard I felt my molars shift. “I don’t know why Dr. Montgomery is even bothering with the formalities. Apparently, he went to school here, which essentially guarantees him the position, right?” Her eyes lit up as she sat back up, goaded on by some new revelation. “Speaking of which, didn’t you go here, too?”

            “Yes,” I felt my head nodding, “Henry—”

            “I think Dr. Montgomery said something about him playing baseball. And with a figure like that.” She fanned herself, a grin stretching across her face as her eyes met mine. “I’m so glad I wore my best dress today.” Her eyes raked over me as she stood up, running her hands down her dress, her fingers following the curves of her body. “Oh, shoot, Evie. I meant to text you about the meeting, so you could dress up too.” She gave my outfit one final, pitiful glance. “Oh well. I’m sure you still made a great impression.”

            She moved away from my desk and headed towards the still open door. My hands felt clammy as I pressed them into the surface of my desk, making myself stand up, desperate to maintain some sort of footing in this moment. She was halfway through the door when she looked back over her shoulder.

            “Henry, was it?” I hated my body for nodding, for giving her any form of approval in this moment. “What a delicious name. Anyway,” she placed her perfectly manicured hand on the door frame, “I wouldn’t worry too much about high school. He probably doesn’t even remember you.” And then she was gone. Her words lingered, floating around the room until they settled around me in a thick layer.

            Part of me wished she was right, that Henry and I had never connected. Never knew each other more than names on a list to be called in the same class, but that wasn’t the case. From that first moment when his hands had dragged me across Mrs. Whitaker’s classroom, branding him on my skin, to all the little pockets of time in second hour where I got to just exist—it felt like I was breathing with someone else’s lungs. Each breath new, different. And then, in late March, the universe completely froze.

            It was Friday, a week before the senior prom, and Kyle was gone for an away game. My dad had recently placed my car in the shop to have a tune up done which meant, to my ever-growing horror, I would be one of the only seniors riding the bus home. I had gone prom dress shopping with mom and Aunt Julia the day before, and if that wasn’t enough, life had decided to use a 40-foot, yellow, kid infested social death trap to top off the worst school week in history.

            My disdain for life must have become apparent by 7^th hour because Mrs. Harper asked me to stay after class as she passed back last week’s homework, her red pen having stained the surface of each page.

          “Evelyn, is everything okay?” She asked as I approached the front of the classroom.

          “Yeah, why?” Confusion knitted my eyebrows together as her eyes scanned my face.

          “You didn’t seem like yourself today.” Her voice felt like freshly baked bread, the kind that’s crust crackled and crunched with every touch. “I know Kyle is out today—” She reached out and placed her hand on my arm; her soft, wrinkled skin pressing into mine.

            “I’m fine.” I snapped, pulling away from her touch. Of course she would think this was about Kyle. Why wouldn’t it be? Everyone saw me as the other half of his future.

            “Hon, I didn’t mean anything by it.” The skin around her eyes crinkled with concern as her head tilted slightly to the side.

            “I know, Mrs. Harper,” I said sighing, “it’s just…well it’s been a long week.” Her body relaxed, and she smiled at me. “I’m sorry for today, really I am, but can I just go home?”

            “Oh, absolutely!” She said, shock covering her face. She must have forgotten that I was in her 7^th hour English class. “Good thing you’re one of the seniors who have a car,” she said as she walked me to the door of her classroom.

            “Yep. Lucky me.” I gave her a small wave and then rushed from her room, down the hallway, and out the front door. “You’ve got to be kidding.” I said as I watched the bus pull out of the parking lot and onto the road.

            I reached into my pocket and pulled out my phone. Dad would still be at work for another hour. I pulled up my mom’s contact, but my finger hovered over the green, call button. I didn’t think I could do it—survive another moment with my mom and Aunt Julia.

              Yesterday’s prom dress extravaganza consisted of standing perfectly still while Aunt Julia held out a picture of Kyle’s tux with each dress I tried on, ensuring that our colors and styles wouldn’t clash. During the first hour, I had even made an attempt to have fun. I picked out two dresses; a floor-length, deep purple gown that had a slit up the left side. It was strapless, but I knew mom had an extra bra I could use, so I tried it on anyway. The other had been a bright green mini dress that fell just below my knees. The top half was covered in micro diamonds that spread out from just below my chest all the way up the single strap that rested on my right shoulder. I had been so excited to show mom the green one that I practically skipped out of the dressing room only to be met with Aunt Julia’s disapproval as she glanced between Kyle’s turquoise accented tux and what she had referred to as “a poor attempt to disguise myself as a lime.” Mom’s rebuke of the dress had been softer, but it was still there. If it didn’t work with Kyle, then it didn’t work period. The rest of the trip had gone from stifling to suffocating.

            My gaze refocused on my phone’s screen. Another moment passed, and then I pocketed my phone, pulling the straps of my backpack a little tighter, before taking the first steps on what would be a long walk home. I had made it to the end of the school parking lot when I heard a horn honking. I wasn’t in the middle of the road, but I moved closer to the edge before turning to see who it was. Henry.

            There he was in his green pickup truck, the one his uncle gave him last year after what most people swore was a one-man championship win. I raised my hand in a wave and felt a smile stretch across my face as he pulled up beside me, window down, arm draped over the edge.

            “Need a ride?” His voice exploded into the space as he looked down at me.

            “I’m fine.” Heat began to pool in my stomach. “I just missed the bus, and my dad has my car in the shop, so…” letting my sentence trail off, I gestured aimlessly towards the road in front of me.

            “So…,” he said dragging out the word the same way I had, “you were going to walk six miles to your house?” His eyebrows were practically touching now, scrunched the same way they did when he was eyeing a pitch he didn’t trust.

            “Well, yeah, I guess.”

            He was silent for a moment. “Get in.”

            “What?” I felt my stomach flip over.

            “Evie, there is no way I’m going to let you walk home. Get in.” He pushed the gear stick to the park position and reached across the cab to open the passenger door.

            “Henry, I can’t. You live in the opposite direction.”

            “Yeah, and I can literally take you home and still get to my house in the amount of time it would take you to walk halfway.” His eyes were bright with laughter as he gestured towards the door again.

            Breathe. It’s just a ride.  My eyes rested on the open passenger door. “Are you sure?” I asked looking from the door to him.

            “Yep. Plus, you can fill me in on what Mrs. Whitaker’s lesson was about.” His grin grew wider. “I may or may not have fallen asleep.”

            I felt myself laugh as I moved around the front of his truck and slid into the passenger seat. Just ten minutes. Ten minutes with Henry. At that thought, the heat from my stomach seeped its way into my skin and began crawling up my neck towards my cheeks. My hands fumbled with the seat belt, and just when I thought I would die from embarrassment, I heard the soft click of the buckle.

            “Now we’re looking good,” he said, shifting into drive and easing out of the parking lot. I tried to keep my eyes on the road ahead, but they kept drifting back to Henry. His fingers drummed along to the music, easy and familiar, just like they did in second hour.

            “So,” I started, stumbling over my own voice, “Why were you at school this late?” I barely got the words out. God, could I be any more awkward?

            “Oh, just stuff for baseball. The season is starting to ramp up, and some of the seniors get selected to help coach plan for the practices ahead of time.”

            “That’s cool. It must mean you’re pretty important.”

            “I don’t know about all that.” He said chuckling. “But it does mean that I am the last one out of the parking lot most days.”  A moment passed, letting the song refill the space between us. “So, what kept you late?”

            “Nothing really. I guess I had an attitude during 7^th hour, so Mrs. Harper wanted to check on me.” I shrugged, giving myself time to refocus my thoughts. “I think she forgot it was the end of the day.” I forced out a laugh. “I mean, she’s taught here since the stone age or something like that, so I guess she’s allowed to have some senior moments.”

            “Right.” He said, nodding. “So, why did you have an attitude? Bad day?” His voice was lower now, the laughing edge that usually framed it dialed back.

            “Oh, that. Just a bad day with my mom,” I sighed. “It’s a lot, ya know? Like everyone has already decided what my life is supposed to look like?” The words were out before I could stop them, causing me to wince as a wave of embarrassment crested over me. But then he was nodding, and everything felt lighter.

            “Yeah, in my house, we call that being a Miller.” He chuckled, glancing over at me. I don’t know what my face looked like, but I must have given something away, because his laugh died. “Is it more than that for you?”

            His question felt like a blade, slicing through my armor. No one had ever asked about me. People asked about Kyle, and Kyle and me, but never just me. “I don’t know,” I shifted my gaze so that I was focused on something outside the passenger window, trying to make space for the words that were beginning to boil under my tongue. “It’s like most days I feel like I’m not even living my life. Just… rehearsing someone else’s.” I paused as he pulled his truck into my driveway. “That probably sounds so dumb.” I looked back across the cab towards him. His green eyes felt like lasers, the heat melting away mom’s hopes and dreams, Aunt Julia’s plans, and all of Kyle, until it was just me sitting there.

“I don’t have to get it for it to matter.” His words were soft, whispers that drifted to me between the final notes of the song. “Evie, you’re allowed to want something else. Even if no one else gets it.”

            I opened my mouth to say something, anything, but then the front door to my house opened. Mom. And just like that, the spell broke. The universe started to spin again. Swiping at my eyes I grabbed my bag from the floor board, said a hurried thank you, and all but fell from the vehicle. Luckily, Henry was already backing down the drive by the time my mom reached me, her eyes boring into mine for answers.

            The memory of Henry’s truck, his words, and my mom’s eyes searching for answers I didn’t have yet caused my knees to buckle, sending me crashing back into my office chair as tears stung the edges of my eyes, like a bitter wind was breaking across my face. What’s wrong with me? That was five years ago. Henry was not that boy anymore, and me, well who the heck knew.

            “Ms. M?” The sudden noise rocketed through the room, ripping me from the past.

            “Yes?” I said, composing myself and looking towards the door. It was Ava Mitchell. I glanced at the clock on the wall across from my desk. 8:50 am. Right on time as always. “Oh, I lost track of time. Come in.” I said, forcing a smile onto my face and waving her inside.

            “Okay!” Her face lit up. “You will never guess what my mom said yesterday when I went home and showed her the schools we researched last week.” She bounded over to my desk and flopped into the chair.

            My smile grew until it was covering my face. “That good, huh?”